I had left it open on the counter, Instaopened with a Kevin Hart video on pause. I was in the middle of showing it to my boyfriend. We never got around to finish the clip because when I went to pick up my phone, it was the black screen of death.
Enter me feeling frantic, worried, hitting the power on and off as if some miracle were to come out of the blue. Enter me sending healing vibes to my phone. Enter me trusting that if I place it on charge, maybe they’d come back to life the next day.
Well it didn’t.
So here I am speaking with my teleservice provider, applying trouble shooting to my phone (when I know that it’s legit not going to work because I’ve been trying everything I could find on the BSoD on the intranet), and lo and behold, it’s still not working. I tell Friend it’s dead. Friend tells me that it might be ‘half-dead’ since it connects to my computer so there is a possibility of revival if I were to send Pixel to Google, the manufacturer.
“Thank you for letting me know. I don’t have time for that, so can you tell me about your other products?”
Today I learned that Pixel 5 is out there now. I thought the latest one was Pixel 4 but it wasn’t. I had a good laugh with Friend. They offered me P5 with so and so per month. Too expensive tbh. The camera’s the same on the 4a so I decide to go for the basic plan: 20$ extra per month, waived 45$ welcome fee. I mentioned that I don’t need to have the latest gadget anyhow & this is emphasized by the fact that I had my Pixel for 3 years before it just couldn’t anymore. I pushed her too far. Maybe it was the 2000+ pictures I stored in her and never backed up to delete. Maybe it was all the apps. Maybe it was just time to say farewell, and welcome something new. I’m going with the latter.
Thank you, Friend, for letting me know I have access to a new phone in 2 to 5 days.
When I check in with myself and how I’m feeling, I’m feeling weird. Like there’s definitely symptoms of withdrawal because I keep thinking about the feeling of pressing my finger on her back, her vibing, and opening up. But she’s not available right now and might not be until she gets fixed. I notice shame is present within me too ’cause I think that I am to blame for her mistreatment. She was an extension of me, you know? But she’s moved on, and I guess I am prompted to as well.
C’est la vie & Life goes on.
The last time something abrupt happened to me re: cell phone technology is when I lost my first Google phone in the metro. I had changed winter coats that day, and the coat I wore didn’t have deep enough pockets. It must’ve fallen out accidentally ’cause I never saw that phone again. That same day, I bought a new phone during my lunch hour. I had that Apple 4s until I just couldn’t any more because she was just being difficult with all the updates. From that experience, I learned that I’m just not an Apple kind of person.
Shh. Don’t try to convince me. Standard is set.
Google’s my main squeeze and I’m grateful for it. Minus Big Brother listening to the intimate conversations I have with my friends but we get some and lose some… I surrender. And I recognize that’s what’s kind of beautiful in all of this. We live, we learn, we grow, and along the way there are some things that no longer serve us as they are not meant to stay. We might hold onto them for dear life and make them work because we want them to but we can’t. There is a line that’s got to be drawn because they can only take so much, just as we can only take so much.
Enter a little laugh about how I as a millenial am writing a blog post about my phone dying and how serious this is for me.
But it’s just so much more than that. I channel into the collective about boundaries, grief, surrender, letting go, and how inviting new energy welcomes something magical to manifest. It’s winter here, and I’m in my experience of winter in so many ways… Intuitively I sense that when I receive the new extension of me, she’s going to usher in Spring. I visualize vines interconnecting my human body and mind with her new features, whatever they may be. There’s something mysterious about the unknown. The Void. The mystical omnipresent entity waiting for the light to shine onto her. There’s something deeper here…
We’ll see what happens next.
I’ll keep you posted.